Pirates make a few call-ups in September. Who cares. Most are already here.
Bucs lose 99 games and call the season a success.
Ray Searage is sacrificed. Bob Walk become pitching coach. Quits after the first week. Disagrees with pitch to contact and has too much common sense.
Clint not fired. Nutting owes him too much money.
While campaigning with the Parrot at a Furry fundraiser, Frank Coonelly bravely states that losing is unacceptable. He is later seen in the corner dressed up in a Cubs costume.
Pirates raise ticket prices.
Hot dog buns are now extra.
Jacob Stallings is shifted to the role of starting pitcher.
Josh Bell and Starlings Marte are trades to the Yankees for “future considerations.”
Cervelli is given a 5 year extension to catch. AGH concussion center is renamed after him.
A C-list free agent is tabbed as the Next Big Thing. He tears an Achilles and goes on “Chisenhall Rehab.”
Pirates sign stud pitcher from Greenfield. Rumor has it that it’s Slappy’s grandson. He’s 11 years old.
Bob Nutting addresses the media in Bradenton while at a restaurant and coolly stresses his burning desire to win a World Series. He leaves no tip.
Despite a 7-23 record in spring, Pirates are “right there” according to GM Huntington.
A snowstorm in Pittsburgh cancels opening day.
You know the rest…
Acknowledgement: Dan Skantar